PROUD of my broken heart since thou didst break it,
Proud of the pain I did not feel till thee,
Proud of my night since thou with moons dost slake it,
Not to partake thy passion, my humility. OOOOY EMILY. I know. HEART, we will forget him! You and I, to-night! You may forget the warmth he gave, I will forget the light. When you have done, pray tell me, That I my thoughts may dim; Haste! lest while you’re lagging, I may remember him!

Le sigh.

Love Sonnet XVII

by Pablo Neruda

No te amo como si fueras rosa de sal, topacio
o flecha de claveles que propagan el fuego:
te amo como se aman ciertas cosas oscuras,
secretamente, entre la sombra y el alma.

Te amo como la planta que no florece y lleva
dentro de sí, escondida, la luz de aquellas flores,
y gracias a tu amor vive oscuro en mi cuerpo
el apretado aroma que ascendió de la tierra.

Te amo sin saber cómo, ni cuándo, ni de dónde,
te amo directamente sin problemas ni orgullo:
así te amo porque no sé amar de otra manera,

sino así de este modo en que no soy ni eres,
tan cerca que tu mano sobre mi pecho es mía,
tan cerca que se cierran tus ojos con mi sueño.

(I don't love you as if you were the salt-rose, topaz
or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:
I love you as certain dark things are loved,
secretly, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that doesn't bloom and carries
hidden within itself the light of those flowers,
and thanks to your love, darkly in my body
lives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you simply, without problems or pride:
I love you in this way because I don't know any other way of loving

but this, in which there is no I or you,
so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand,
so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close.)

"What's the deal with my brain? Why am I so obviously insane?"

This would happen to me. It would sooo clearly happen to me. Oy vey.


Continuing with the song which is this entry's title...
"Tell me there's a logic out there.
Leading me to better prepare
For the day that something really special might come.
Tell me there's some hope for me.
I don't wanna be lonely
For the rest of my days on the earth..."


I swear if I didn't know me I'd think I was a depressed little kitty cat or something. What?

Closer to the sun but then it's far from the moon...

Times they are a-changin'. Bob knows.
It's amazing how my mindset can change so drastically. Like a month ago I was in SUCH a different place. I love meeting people but I hate then realizing after you meet one great person how many other great people there are that could help make you a better person that you'll never meet. Frustrating, SO frustrating.
So the ominous June to end all Junes with the constant activities is almost over. After this weekend in D.C. it should be pretty much smooth sailing. Let's hope at least. Collegewtf.
But anyway--I don't want my mindset to change on this one. Though circumstances are crappy in ways. Sooo, um, note to self. Think like you're thinking now for a good while.

klagshlakhg

This is a problem. And fricking ridiculous. Blah. Boy. Aaah. Cute and perfect. Grrr. 2 hours. Gah.

2 Atoms in a Molecule

No words.
Well okay maybe a few.
High school is over. Well, I may or may not have two exams tomorrow and an AP on Thursday, but they don't count. I'm content with failure at this point.
Anyway--so summer. On one hand I am beyond thrilled that I'm getting to do so much in May/June out of town, and I know it's going to be SO fantastic, but then I'm semi-bummed as well. I feel like I'm going to miss that post-senior summer that everyone remembers...I won't be here to do it with my friends. I mean again, I know summer is going to be great, I'm just in a momentary schlump about it. Especially since I JUST met a bunch of new and excellent (and straight) friends and now I hardly get to see them for a month and a half then we all leave for college. Honestly it is so upsetting that I'm just meeting Steven and Matt and all of the other guys just now, because I could've had a really good time being friends with them the last 4 or 5 (or 17) years. It's just annoying, really.
I am going to Dallas for Brett's prom in a week which is going to be EPIC. I think I only think this because this is my one shot at the movie version of high school and I have less than three days to cram it all in...but by God, I will do it. Can't wait.
There are other things I can wait for, though. Like growing up. Except at the same time not. I couldn't articulate my feelings on high school ending if I tried my very hardest. It is weirder than I could ever have imagined. I'd try to explain my feelings, but as previously stated, I would fail.
Whatever. Life's coming at me, apparently. Guess I should start paying attention.

"And if love is just a game
Then how come it's no fun?
If love is just a game
How come I've never won?
I guess maybe it's possible I might be playing it wrong
And that's why every time I roll the dice
I always come undone."
Couldn't have said it better, Noah and the Whale.

Okay so this internet thing won't let me post this now, so I'll try later. But let the records show that this was written the night of Cinco de Mayo '09 whilst avoiding calculus and biology.

In the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make...

I am officially petrified of college. I could have SO EASILY gone ANYWHERE other than the school I've chosen and been one of the smart kids...it would've been easy and enjoyable and I could've felt superior like I've been able to feel for the past 17 years. BUT NO. People are GW are cultured and intelligent to the point that I just feel like an idiot. And these political science majors? I'm not one of them...I mean I will be, but like they've read every presidential biography and political theory book while I go to Barnes and Noble and buy Catch 22? Like I'm sure I have the mental capacity to catch up with these people, but I worry. If you aren't smart you have to be hot shit. And that means I have to be fairly smart. Looks like a summer of reading up on all things worldly is straight ahead.

Oh, by the way--13 days of high school left?