2 Atoms in a Molecule

No words.
Well okay maybe a few.
High school is over. Well, I may or may not have two exams tomorrow and an AP on Thursday, but they don't count. I'm content with failure at this point.
Anyway--so summer. On one hand I am beyond thrilled that I'm getting to do so much in May/June out of town, and I know it's going to be SO fantastic, but then I'm semi-bummed as well. I feel like I'm going to miss that post-senior summer that everyone remembers...I won't be here to do it with my friends. I mean again, I know summer is going to be great, I'm just in a momentary schlump about it. Especially since I JUST met a bunch of new and excellent (and straight) friends and now I hardly get to see them for a month and a half then we all leave for college. Honestly it is so upsetting that I'm just meeting Steven and Matt and all of the other guys just now, because I could've had a really good time being friends with them the last 4 or 5 (or 17) years. It's just annoying, really.
I am going to Dallas for Brett's prom in a week which is going to be EPIC. I think I only think this because this is my one shot at the movie version of high school and I have less than three days to cram it all in...but by God, I will do it. Can't wait.
There are other things I can wait for, though. Like growing up. Except at the same time not. I couldn't articulate my feelings on high school ending if I tried my very hardest. It is weirder than I could ever have imagined. I'd try to explain my feelings, but as previously stated, I would fail.
Whatever. Life's coming at me, apparently. Guess I should start paying attention.

"And if love is just a game
Then how come it's no fun?
If love is just a game
How come I've never won?
I guess maybe it's possible I might be playing it wrong
And that's why every time I roll the dice
I always come undone."
Couldn't have said it better, Noah and the Whale.

Okay so this internet thing won't let me post this now, so I'll try later. But let the records show that this was written the night of Cinco de Mayo '09 whilst avoiding calculus and biology.

In the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make...

I am officially petrified of college. I could have SO EASILY gone ANYWHERE other than the school I've chosen and been one of the smart kids...it would've been easy and enjoyable and I could've felt superior like I've been able to feel for the past 17 years. BUT NO. People are GW are cultured and intelligent to the point that I just feel like an idiot. And these political science majors? I'm not one of them...I mean I will be, but like they've read every presidential biography and political theory book while I go to Barnes and Noble and buy Catch 22? Like I'm sure I have the mental capacity to catch up with these people, but I worry. If you aren't smart you have to be hot shit. And that means I have to be fairly smart. Looks like a summer of reading up on all things worldly is straight ahead.

Oh, by the way--13 days of high school left?

The poem which defines my life:

My candle burns at both ends;
It will not last the night;
But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends--
It gives a lovely light!

I've gotta roll, roll away...

I want to look at this and recall that never will there be a week so ridiculous. If ever I whine, please remind me of this week. Apparently missing two weeks of school, then having Mardi Gras break, then one week to make up all of the work isn't a stressless series of events. Who knew? I have literally started homework and studying as soon as I got home and worked until two without stopping every night, and still I don't get everything done. Then I can't go to sleep because I pop too much Excedrin or can't breathe or there's too much thinking going on. It is sickening. So much so that I actually got sick last night/today. Puking is gross, especially when you have to just keep doing it in order to be able to concentrate on studying. I think the problem is that I never study or do homework in the slightest so going from 15 minutes of homework a night to like 11 hours is a little overwhelming. And what's getting to me is that everyone else is constantly complaining about the workloads of hell week and I want to just be like YOU HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA SHUT YOUR MOUTH. Not to mention that this form of non-learning and constant test taking has my grades in the total shitter.

I'm sorry I whine. Not really to anyone who would read this because only, like, Hayli would. Maybe Matt. But I'm just generally sorry for my state of mind right now. Regretful. On the bright side, many people are very impressed with my level of composure. They should be.

Comparatively I've been totally lax tonight and still have an assload to do. I think the homestretch is just too much to think about right now. I want to sleep and watch tv and have a life. Oh well.

Note: lost 5 lbs.
Keep it up, Allison and Aimee.
We're going to be hot shit by cruise time.

Broskiiiii.

So...wow.
My life is just one big out-of-body experience.

An occasionally awesome one, though.

Oh botha. (I just watched Winnie the Pooh's Christmas Movie)

Once you’ve been tagged, you have to write a note with 16 random things, shortcomings, facts, habits or goals about you. At the end choose 16 people to be tagged, listing their names and why you chose them. Also, find your name and why.

...okay I'm not like tagging this to people but if you're one of the 1.8 people who read this, feel free to do it. I'm really just egotistical and like to talk about myself.

1. I used to have really bad OCD that I never told my parents about
2. My heart literally aches when I watch old musical movie huge dance numbers because it makes me so happy
3. There are actually a couple of songs I can sing well but I would never sing them for anyone or say what they are because then I might actually have to have someone hear me sing seriously
4. I'm probably meant to be a teacher
5. I feel bad for thinking that isn't good enough of a career for me
6. I lie all the time to people I'm not close to about stupid things for no reason
7. I've never really been scared of anything
8. I am an immense sucker for stupid romance comedies
9. I automatically assume that any very talented person is cool and I want to meet him/her (even though they're often not)
10. I compulsively come up with long lists of reasons why things happen (based on the everything happens for a reason theory)
11. People perceive me far differently than I perceive myself
12. I think I know the exact type of people I want to be friends with/life I want to be leading, but I'm not friends with them and I'm not leading it (not that I don't love my own friends)
13. I will make out in the rain before I die
14. I could literally watch movies for a week straight and be fine with that
15. When I like someone I can obsess over them in my head--only one has ever lasted
16. I overanalyze everything people do


Good God, I'm lame.

...Winter Wonderland?

So that was a lovely surprise. I've got to say, as unfulfilling as shit can be, Christmas somehow makes it better. During this time of year I feel like I should be able to just walk up to anyone and hug them and hand them a Christmas CD and they would respond with a "Oh, thanks, Merry Christmas!" and a hug. Unfortunately not many people are like that, but by never trying it I can maintain some hope.

I have an inkling that there are a few people out there who would respond how I want them to.

The most annoying moments lately have been the ones where I know exactly what I want in life, because then I have the back-to-reality moment and it's so depressing.

Anyway, I'm really excited that everyone's going to be in town for a little while. I've actually had a decent time with my school friends and my my-grade friends, but I just miss people. I want to have a lot of fun over the break. I need to have a lot of fun over the break. I will have a lot of fun over the break.

CHRISTMASSSSS, YESSSSSSS.