So I made the immense mistake of accidentally trying to explain my complicated/relatively depressing life theory to Tara and Dionne this weekend (I was tricked into it) in Houston and I'm fairly certain they think I'm in a major depression now. Whatever, though. Tara insists that this is just how my mind is working now and every 2-3 years I will change as a person and this will go away, so she obviously doesn't get it. As per expected. I think only Franz Kafka or maybe Albert Camus could really truly understand, but they are dead, now aren't they? Hayli listened to me try to explain it for like hours so I think she may understand it as much as anyone will be able to. Oh well, my mind is obviously just too complex for this trivial world.
"A first sign of the beginning of understanding is the wish to die."
"The tremendous world I have inside my head. But how free myself and free it without being torn to pieces? A thousand times rather be torn to pieces than retain it in me or bury it."
"To die would mean nothing else than to surrender a nothing to the nothing, but that would be impossible to conceive, for how could a person, even only as a nothing, consciously surrender himself to the nothing, and not merely to an empty nothing but rather to a roaring nothing whose nothingness consists only in its incomprehensibility."
Kafka quotes. Yeah. My top three of the 150+ I've read.
Anyway, I just really can't wait to get out of here. Maybe things will click elsewhere.
I can only hope!
Kathy Griffin was hilarious, though. It was amazing getting to see Brett. I always get a little bit bitter when we hang out--jealous of his life, bummed that I never see him, and so on. But I'm so happy for him that it doesn't even matter.
1 comment:
"Oh well, my mind is obviously just too complex for this trivial world."
i loled. can't wait for you to tell me the reactions of tara and dionne.
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